Bye bye 2011?

HAPPY NEW YEAR READERS!!!!!

I'm sure a lot of bloggers are doing some post dedicated to the end of 2011. So I decided to hop the bandwagon. My year was full of tears - of joy and of disappointment. Shola and I started medical school in Dominica, and we are officially 2nd year medical students now. We got in and out of relationships. Exes got engaged or are planning to get engaged. Family and friends got married. Babies were conceived and born.... the usual circle of life stuff.

Yay it is 2012. Although one shouldn't need a new year to start doing new things, most of us like the idea of starting something on an easy to remember calendar date. Anniversaries, resolutions, things like that. So, this year, I am ______________ (Insert resolutions here).

Anyways, holidays have been fun. Busy busy busy but fun. Epic fail on attempting to study. Epic fail on ushering in the new year somewhere other than on my mother's couch. Epic fail on being a couch potato for a whole week. Semi success on seeing friends and family though. For that, I'm grateful.

My newest addictions - simulation games on my ipad. I AM SO HOOKED. It is quite sad actually. On that note, I'm gonna get back to SIMs now. I can't focus on this blog post. I promise to be more inspired next time. :)

XX
Lizlady.

The One who got away

Hello Blogworld,

This is a subject that has been the baseline of many conversations I have had with friends so I figured it deserved a blog post especially since I am sitting in a hotel room in Barbados chilling and listening to the sound of the waves crashing outside my window. Or is it the rain? Oh well. #kanyeshrug.

Back to business.

The one who got away refers to that guy or girl that you wish you could have had but were unable to have. That about sums it up. However, there is more flesh to that skeleton.

Is there such a thing as the one who got away? Yes, I believe there is. There was a guy I met and liked while I had an idiotic boyfriend. In retrospect, I should have dumped the boyfriend and run into the arms of said guy but I was trying to be loyal. Then when I became single, he was trying to be loyal to somebody else. How do you handle such a situation? You don't. If he is somebody else's, let him be with the somebody else. This is not the time to try to steal him away. Instead, admire his loyalty and keep it moving. If he is so willing to dump the new person to be with you, that's flattering but again, it means he might just as easily dump you for his other one who got away. Get the idea? Leave him alone. Unless he gets single all by himself, in which case... pounce on that piece of meat and taste till you are satisfied...or feed forever. As you see fit. :)

I've mentioned somewhere in this blog before that one of my fears is marrying someone who is settling for me. It comes back to this one who got away topic. Imagine a guy realizes he is unable to get the girl he always wanted or loved and then, he decides to marry his number two woman and make a life with her. It would suck to be the number two woman unless he is able to concentrate on the new direction his life has taken and forget all about the woulda been women. In addition to the secretaries in short skirts, ushers at church and strangers on the street, no woman wants to imagine that there is also an old "friend" that her husband would likely leave her for if need be. A guy once told me I was the only one he would cheat on his wife with. In his own twisted way, that was supposed to be a compliment. I did not feel like it was. Then again, I wasn't sure how to feel. Maybe his wife to be should feel lucky if there is only one woman that can supposedly make her husband cheat on her? I don't know.

A few weeks ago, I was at a place where I felt like I genuinely did not have any unturned stones around me so to speak. I had effectively dated all my crushes or killed the crushes I had on people I did not date. In some case, it was easy - maybe he got fat, dropped out of school, got married, told me to eff off... either way, all my woulda beens were erased. That is how I want to feel when I do get married, like there is no one else in the world that would make me or him doubt our vows. Wishful thinking I know, but I am allowed to be optimistic.  

One thing I do know is that the grass always does appear greener on the other side depending on the angle from which you choose to look at it. This does not imply that the grass is never actually greener. Sometimes, it really is. However, the grass on your side would never be green enough if you spend the time focusing on the grass you do not have. In plain english, don't dwell on the ones you wanted but didn't get to have. There are further regrets waiting down the line for you. There are more people you will meet and wish you had met earlier. However, unless you want to bounce from person to person like a yo-yo, then you'd best stick with the one you're attached to and stay there. If it isn't broken, don't go looking for a different model. You might end up with Nokla instead of Nokia. (Inside Joke). :)

Good night from Barbados (in case you missed it when I mentioned it the first time),
Leeza.

7 Rules of LDRs

LDR means Long Distance Relationships. Now, this is a sensitive topic, but one that I happen to be have experience in unfortunately….or fortunately. For some reason, I never seem to find a guy within my zip code. Thus, I’ve learned to cope... I do not mean with KY/vaseline and raunchy magazines. *rolls eyes*.

First things first, do not worry about what he is doing or with whom he is doing it. You will drive yourself crazy. Let me repeat – you will drive yourself crazy. Do not listen to negative people who love to tell you how they spotted him somewhere he was not supposed to be. While you are worrying about what he is doing, he is probably worrying about what you are doing as well. Both of you will be miserable that way. If you spend too much time wondering what he is doing, you might want to wander out of that relationship. If you can’t prove it or it isn’t emblazoned right before your eyes, don’t worry about it. Hypertension is a leading cause of death in the US. That said, I assume one can imply that if you have trust issues, LDRs are not for you. People with trust issues need boyfriends on leashes. Different topic for another day.

Secondly, do not go into LDRs if you are broke and/or too busy. What does money or time have to do with it? Let me explain. To make an LDR work, you have to invest money and time. I found that by the time I add the number of hours I spent emailing, texting, skyping or calling, it was definitely more than the amount of time I would have spent on him if he were in the same house with me just sitting down there silently watching television while I studied. In an LDR, you have to allot time to see and communicate with this person. Of course, transportation is not cheap. When you are going to visit this person you haven’t seen in a while, you have to pull out all the stops. Yes, some people say he loves me even when my hair is not done but face it, he has seen you with your hair undone everyday on skype. In person, the least you could do is get the damn hair done. Be romantic, be creative, you actually need to try. Back to my topic sentence, if you do not have enough time for yourself, now is not the time to think you will have time to manage a long distance relationship. If you are broke, that might be ok as long as the brokeness is very temporary. I don’t see how people can date without seeing each other in years but some people manage it. Even phone calls are not cheap. *sigh*

Thirdly, if your relationship is more physical than emotional, spiritual etc…then long distance is not for you unless your private parts can time travel or expand like Mr Fantastic... I don’t think that needs further clarification.

Fourthly, if you do not see a future, don’t start a long distance relationship. They are certainly not the type of relationships you have “just for fun” unless your idea of fun is endless hours of holding a hot phone to your ear or sitting prone in front of your laptop camera. No? I did not think so.

Next, communicate. If something makes you unhappy, SAY it. It is bad enough that men cannot read our thoughts when we are in front of them, how much less when you are across the computer screen on skype?

Number six. Ensure the other person is trying as much as you are or at least to the best of their ability. It won't always be balanced, you might call more often but if he picks up every time you call, that's a good start.

Last but not least, get a support group. It gets challenging when your friend can wake up at 6am and stop by her boyfriend’s house before going to work as opposed to you who has to buy a ticket 2 weeks in advance, or book an appointment for a visa. Either way, envy creeps in sometimes, so surround yourself with like minded friends or at least, understanding ones. You will need them in the times of loneliness, believe that.

That’s my two cents. Do with it as you will. Obviously, they are not perfect and there are many other opinions out there. Find what works for you, and if you really think your long-distance-other is worth it, then its worth a shot.

Long distance Leeza.

Disclaimer: The words are mine. The pictures, not so much. Thanks to the sources. :)

Perfect Imperfections

My latest Addiction: YOUTUBE

I go to youtube to learn how to do a couple of things. Recently, it was to learn how to tie Gele because a friends wedding is coming up in the states and she asked if I knew how. I was embarrassed because a yoruba girl like me doesn't know how to tie gele. I digress. 

There is this old tag on youtube called "Perfect Imperfections." I don't know who started it but you list out 3 physical features you dont like about yourself and 3 features that you love about yourself. Youtube celebrities are not like real life celebrities that are cookie cutter beautiful. Everybody is beautiful we just need to learn to play up our imperfections that make us Unique. So here I go:

3 physical features I dont like:

#1. My BOOOBS. I am quite endowed. I dunno if it is too much sharing to put my size out there but its big. Now its not grotesque big like omg look at her boobs (i think). But its Big enough that Victoria Secret Unsupportive bras leave a lot to be desired. One of the biggest compliments I get is "You pack your boobs well" Because I have to buy intense bras from the UK. :(. It has its upsides to it. Guys love it.LOL. 

#2. My Forehead. Love-hate relationship. sometimes it just brings out the ugly in me I feel. Even though I can rock a short hair cut with no qualms. some hairstyles just dont work. Makes me look like my hairline is receding. But then I look great in a gele.

#3. My nose. I should just delete this. I dont not like it, I think its the most pronounced feature on my face, wish it would just regress a little more.

#4. My not Skinniness. I wish i was naturally skinny. Like eat whatever you like skinny and not gain weight. I like food, I like to work out sometime. Honestly I dont even eat that much. Im not a fatty. But I wish it didnt take so much effort to 

3 physical features I Love

#1. My Legs. Love, Love, Love My legs. it has the athletic look to it, which I got clowned on for in sceondary school and it is slightly bow but it has come through for me. It has the right amount of muscle and fat. looks banging in heels and without.cant say more

#2. My Butt. Been rocking the butt before Kim K try to make it look cool. Its prolly my favorite feature along with my  legs. It balances out my boobs so I am not tipping over in the front. #nuffsaid

#3. My figure. I said My butt balances my boobs hence giving me a proportional figure. Even thuogh i ike my lower body better. I like my proportions even when I gain weight it goes round equally. I think my arms get more. The padding pretty much spreads everywhere

#4. My Face. Before I used to give my figure all the attention, that I'm just a plain Jane, But lately the face has resurfaced. I like my front view. you know how people tilt to the side to look good. I look good from the front. I dont have a favorite hair part (right or left) because they are almost equally good.

I did more than 3. 

Dating, talking...

I have no clue what dating is, as far as I am concerned it is an american term. 

Talking, no clue either, it  seems like an african-american term (dont judge me).

This is what I know: Boy meets girl, boy likes girl. Boy asks girl to be his girlfriend, girl thinks about it---> she says yes or no depending on

1. his bank, his brain....

2. his persistence

3. if she actually likes him

4. his looks

5. if she doesn't want to be single

6. any combination of the above, no limit on the number of combinations 

and finally gives it a shot. 

Anyway that was how it was in secondary school, and the year or two after. Then my father sent me to obodo oyinbo to better myself. 

So here I was thrown into the world of dating(white folk) 

and talking(black folk), it didn't work to well for me. 

In this culture:

-men dont hunt women down, 

-the beginning is filled with heartache of uncertainty instead of bliss of the new 

-people are always trying to figure out what they want 

-they never want to choose. 

I mean people date for months before becoming exclusive, and talk for months before dating...

If a man is having a hard time deciding if he wants to make me his girlfriend, how would he marry me 

I know this sounds like fun for some people kudos to them. 

People say, Women know what they want from a man immediately they meet him. I am on this crew, I am on the fast track no time wasting. I never really dated for the fun of it. 

Honestly there are some great things about this american style of dating, it is the wining and dining involved in dating. I like food and I like how it is portrayed in the movies. that's pretty much it.

talking is never acceptable. the man doesn't want to work for you at all sha....

The only reason I mess with men is to husband one of  them someday and have their babies. oh yea and dream of my fancy engagement ring (another story about how nigerians get engaged).

What cultural "dating" style do you prefer??

Shola 

Love

Love has many definitions, people sometimes go to the bible, love is kind, others use romantic insinuations love is blind. Somehow I am crippled by the definition of marriage that doesn't make couples give, that doesn't let a mother give up on her child, that makes us stay friends when you find out the evil monsters in me.

Last episode of Grey's anatomy was emotional for me because Christina wanted an abortion that would alienate her husband and Meredith refused to see the big picture and ruined her working relationship with her husband by ruining their study.

Immediately, I am in support of the women, how could Hunt not have seen that Christina would never want a child and how could Derek not know that Mer would do anything in her power to help people especially if it was the chiefs' wife.

now the show is not over and i dont know the outcome on those decisions on their two relationships but the immediate effect was separation and distance.

My great fear now is, would he my significant other love me past all my mistakes and decisions or love me past my condition if I cannot have children, or if I am papralyzed, would I be able to do the same too.... just thinking love is very complex and sometimes we dont know how deep/great love is till there are challenges that are crossed.....

Attention

You ask me if I'm ok

I want to say no

I look in your eyes

They quickly beg me

Not to give a speech

You have a place to be

So yes I'm ok

Or so my answer goes

But my eyes tell you

                                                      No i'm really not

Leeza.

The Doorbell vs The Doormat

After yet another heartbreak, I decided I needed to find out what I was doing wrong. Hence, I decided to investigate some flaws in my character so I called up a few exes. The best way to find out about yourself is to ask someone else why they didn't keep you. Granted, you as a girl might have done the breaking up but he wasn't exactly fighting to keep you around either. In most cases, the guy wants to break up, he just doesn't want to be bothered making the break up speech.

So back to the point at hand. I asked my ex what he thought about me and my persona. After several "you are an awesome and beautiful person" comments, the truth finally came out. Apparently, I am not bitchy or dramatic enough. I mean, he did not use those words but it sounded pretty darn close to me. He went further to explain what he meant. For example, if a guy forgets your birthday, what do you do? You buy him a present on his own birthday in order to show him that you don't hold grudges and you care enough to remember his? *Buzzer sound* WRONG! If a guy forgets your birthday, you frown and bone around him for the next few days. It might even be necessary not to speak to him. If possible, you complain loudly to any friend who would listen while he is within earshot and maybe you might want to consider withholding sex or food or whatever. You do not have to be drastic and do all these things but the point is, you make him understand that it is not ok unless you want him to forget your birthdays the rest of your lives together. Then I asked, what if he apologizes? The ex told me "I am sorry" is not enough because a guy would never run out of "I am sorry"s. They have an infinite supply of them. These days, don't you notice how married men say you apologize to your wife when you have a fight regardless of who is wrong? If you want him to listen and pay attention, "I am sorry" will not do it.

Another example. I was left waiting at the airport for over an hour while my ex watched a basketball game final. Mind you, we hadn't seen each other in months so the trip was necessary. I couldn't just turn around and go back. When he finally showed up, he apologized and I figured oh well, we miss each other, we can fight about the wait later. *Buzzer sound again*. If there is an issue, you make it known as soon as it happens that it cannot happen again. I tried to defend myself saying the trip was going to be short, I didn't want to spoil it and all that and the advice giving ex replied, yes that is true but the minute he decided the basketball game was more important than me, he had spoiled the trip.

I was also told I was boring. Most girls want to go out and spend money. I am usually content with dinner and a movie indoors. This is because I'm being considerate of a guy who tells me he's broke. This is not the way it's done apparently. Men like the exciting party girl. So I was told by my advice giver. "Don't buy a bus ticket, make him pay for a flight". That's a direct quote.

There is also the scenario of dating. I meet someone, we start dating. He also meets another woman and starts dating her. Mind you, people are allowed to date who they want until they decide to be in a committed relationship with one of these people. Dating is not a problem for me, its the relationship part that doesn't seem to happen. He told me why. According to him, I was the perfect woman to date in the sense that I did not get annoyed and if I did, I did not stay mad for long. This is all well and good if you are the only woman in the world. However, there are other women in the world and if you are the quiet mouse who doesn't get offended at things, another woman will bully him into choosing between you and her. Given that he knows if he chooses you, she will chew him out, but if he chooses her, you will be quiet, what do you think he is going to do? Mind you, the other woman is also a great person except that she doesn't lie down quietly when she is wronged. Men don't like drama. They will perform the action that will result in less drama in their lives.

I am not the kind of person to go around nagging when I don't get my way but if I want to be happy in a relationship, I apparently have to start. I had always thought that I was dating men, not boys so I shouldn't need to teach the person what to do. I mean, is it not common sense not to forget my birthday? Or leave me at a bus stop? Or not try to sleep with my sister? Maybe I happen to meet assholes for the most part but there is some truth to what the ex said. Just because you love a guy doesn't mean you should let him treat you like a doormat. Yes, there are more women than men but regardless, he should be the one fighting to keep you not you tolerating his shit because you want to keep him. For those girls who already have shaniqua-like tendencies aka loud and dramatic, this advice is not for you. For those girls like me who accept an "I am sorry" and expect a simple admonishment to fix the problem, we have to turn it up. A guy will not respect you if he faces no repercussions from disrespecting you. Apparently, men are like children. They test your boundaries to see what they can get away with and if you allow your boundaries to be stretched, it will keep getting stretched.

Of course nothing is black and white. Not all guys need a 2 hour lecture before they realize they have done something wrong. Some guys only need to see the smile leave your face before they realize they have made a mistake and will endeavor to earn your forgiveness. These guys are rare however. Know your man. Act accordingly. Remember, a man won't buy the cow if he can milk it for free. Good luck in this thing we call relationships.

xoxo
Leeza

Dominica

Before you even begin to criticize, we apologize for our silence. We've been busy.

On my way to splash bash!

This is Leeza here by the way. I do not feel like studying today so here I am updating our blog. A classmate put this status on facebook once "It's kinda hard to get out of bed when you know you are going to be studying 12 hours that day". I have made it out of bed fine but you can imagine how the blog got ignored. However, I apologize. On that note, how is Dominica? Here goes.

So, my partner in crime and I are here for medical school. It is Ross University. There is apparently some other school in this Country. *shocker*. Forgive me but my thoughts are going to flow rather randomly.

Some thai restaurant with a view of a creek/stream/river

First things first, there are less than 60,000 people in this country. I was listening to the radio and someone won an election by getting 6000 votes or thereabouts. I remember wondering how many votes the other person got or if there was another candidate at all. Oh, we see cows and there are chickens in our neighbor's backyard. There is also KFC and other expensive restaurants with delicious food.

So on to school sturvs...but even before that, let me gist you on the ordeal I went through before I left the US.

@nigerianchic

As most people know, I live in philadelphia. I wanted to save some money so I booked my flight out of new Jersey. The plan was to spend new year's in New York with Shola and both leave from New Jersey on Jan 2nd. On Dec 31st, I rented a car and drove from philadelphia to Maryland, Virginia and then New York. All in the name of saying hi to friends. Yall can't say I don't love my friends. Finally in New York, Shola and I went to an awesome New Year's Eve Party. The next day (new Years), I drove back to philadelphia to return my rental. Yes, I was too cheap to pay the extra $150 it would have cost me to return the car out of state! Anyways, I got on a bus and returned to New York. By the way, I got to meet @nigerianchic while I was in New York. She's smaller than I expected but still cute. Don't kill me Ada.

New year's eve.

On Jan 2nd, we (Shola and I) woke up bright and early and appeared at the Newark airport at 720am for a 905am flight. Granted, we might have been running a little late. We got in line and started waiting. Then Continental agents began calling flights. If your flight was at 8am, you got to skip the line and go straight to the front. When he called the 9am flight, it was about 8am. We tried to skip the line and the agent said "Your flight is at 905, I didn't call you yet". He was rather rude about it too but we went back to the line quietly. 820am, he finally calls the 905 am flight. We skipped the line and went to the agent at the counter. Unfortunately for us, she did not know what she was doing. She spent 15 minutes trying to get the attention of her supervisor to help her but by the time he showed up, the flight was closed. She then had liver to tell us we were late. I mean, we were late but that wasn't the reason we missed the flight. We were put on the next flight leaving on the 3rd. By the way, we were due in school on the 3rd. Missing our flight meant emailing landlords and school welcoming committee. However, we were together so I wasn't too sad. We went to a Hotel in Newark and spent the night. The next morning, airport runs again.

This time, we got to the airport before 630am. The flight was supposed to be 905am again. We got checked in and everything this time. However, only Shola got to leave because she had the last seat. I was on standby with 6 other folks. Before the flight left, we were asked to prove why we had to travel that day. Some couple going on their honeymoon got the last 2 seats. The rest of us were deemed fit to wait for the next flight. I had to go to the hotel. Alone. I hate aloneness. :( I even shed a few tears. But I packed my load and went back to the hotel. I later found out that the flight that we had missed the day before was not even full when it left.

Shola in our apartment.

The next day, Jan 4th, I was at the airport by 6am. I had checked in the day before so I went straight to the gate to inform the agent of my arrival. If there was going to be any standby leaving, it was going to be me. Luckily, I got to leave this time and it was welcome to Dominica!

Shola and I were reunited. I met the landlady. I saw school at night. Etc.. It was NOT COLD. Awesome. For $440/month each, we each have our room and bathroom, constant electricity, internet and maid service 2ce a week. Pretty good deal though I am sure it is expensive by Dominican standards.

The next morning, I went for orientation. Let us just say, I cannot remember how many lines I had to queue up in to get IDs, pictures, pay for stuff, get refunds, get insurance cards.. etc. All in all, it was a TIRING process but it got done.

Whale watching!

The next thing we did was sign up for a whale watching tour. This was fun. It was just fun to be on the boat.

Anyways, new place, new people, new friends. There are Nigerians everywhere. For the most part, we seem to be able to identify each other just by looking at each other. I even managed to get myself on the Organization of African Students executive board somehow. *shrugs*. I am cool like that. :) Oh and there is an RCCG here too.

Interesting tidbits about Dominica:
Dominicans LOVE Nigerian movies and music by the way. They are so proud of themselves when they recognize my accent as the one they heard in the movie they watched last night.
It is a village with internet, water, electricity, beaches and some paved roads.

A view from our balcony

Dominicans don't seem to get married very often - I heard of a woman with 8 children for a guy who had 2 other kids while he was with her and is now married to yet another woman. I also met another woman who had 3 kids for a guy and said she was not ready to marry. My hairdresser and I judged her. God forgive us.
Dominican men are like black men everywhere I go. They catcall, slow down to whistle at you, call you all kinds of variations of "african queen/beauty" et al.
Weed is cannabis.
Favorite beer is kubuli.
Plan B is called "Mis-take" pill.
Condom tag line: Ribbed for the wickedest ride.

Back to my random thoughts, sitting still, studying and eating added 10lbs to my weight. *hides face*. I've become more dedicated to the gym so some of that weight is gone. I am managing to find a balance with stuff. I also want more non Nigerian friends so I am joining more organizations next semester. I love my people, don't get me wrong. However, at this point, I might know them all so it is time to diversify. :)

Pretty Shola on our way to splash bash!

Oh, studies are good. Shola and I are doing fine now that we have bought gas after a 2 week period of cooking everything with the rice cooker.
 For the friends who feel like I am so far away, internet dey here o! I still use facebook mobile, I tweet, I have bbm, I have a magic jack line which americans can call free, I even have an email address and skype account. Don't use the excuse of me being out of the country as a reason to forget me. If I get back for holiday and someone dares to tell me, I couldn't reach you.... I will classify you as a "foolish" friend. That said, kisses and hugs from the tropics. Now let me go chew some sugar cane and read lipoproteins.

xoxo Leeza.

Random musings of johnny just come again

NYSC is over and life goes on. As if the first round of coming to America was not enough for me, I had to do it again. Oh boy! Naija was fun and crazy at the same time but I was so tired of it that I ran the minute I had the opportunity. There are so many factors to why I ran away. For example, I was living with my dear mother who loves me very very very much (ad infinitum) that I decided I would rather be loved via Skype, she doesn't know how to  use it so it works out very well for the both of us *wink*

So yea, I'm back, sort off; I'm spending six weeks in the states before jetting off to Dominica for medical school with my co-blogger (can't wait). Dominica will be my home for the next one-two years. I am so excited because for the last couple of weeks here I have put my self under house arrest, it is SOFA KING cold. i though i missed the cold because Naija was very hot. I don't come out of the house on my own volition, It takes a whole day of sitting indoors to psych myself to go out. I think I have also gained all the weight I lost in Naija: approx. 10lb. AMERICA

NY chilling

Candid shot, skills :) 

It has been fun here so far, I have no curfews and since I am in transition (aka jobless) I picked up a new hobby, I am now one of the dime a dozen Nigerians into photography, I got a DSLR. Ha! I just thought it would be cool to journal my new life with a better camera. this is my third hobby after dumping my guitar, it's not SO mobile *shrug* after all.

...Shola