First things first, do not worry about what he is doing or with whom he is doing it. You will drive yourself crazy. Let me repeat – you will drive yourself crazy. Do not listen to negative people who love to tell you how they spotted him somewhere he was not supposed to be. While you are worrying about what he is doing, he is probably worrying about what you are doing as well. Both of you will be miserable that way. If you spend too much time wondering what he is doing, you might want to wander out of that relationship. If you can’t prove it or it isn’t emblazoned right before your eyes, don’t worry about it. Hypertension is a leading cause of death in the US. That said, I assume one can imply that if you have trust issues, LDRs are not for you. People with trust issues need boyfriends on leashes. Different topic for another day.
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Secondly, do not go into LDRs if you are broke and/or too busy. What does money or time have to do with it? Let me explain. To make an LDR work, you have to invest money and time. I found that by the time I add the number of hours I spent emailing, texting, skyping or calling, it was definitely more than the amount of time I would have spent on him if he were in the same house with me just sitting down there silently watching television while I studied. In an LDR, you have to allot time to see and communicate with this person. Of course, transportation is not cheap. When you are going to visit this person you haven’t seen in a while, you have to pull out all the stops. Yes, some people say he loves me even when my hair is not done but face it, he has seen you with your hair undone everyday on skype. In person, the least you could do is get the damn hair done. Be romantic, be creative, you actually need to try. Back to my topic sentence, if you do not have enough time for yourself, now is not the time to think you will have time to manage a long distance relationship. If you are broke, that might be ok as long as the brokeness is very temporary. I don’t see how people can date without seeing each other in years but some people manage it. Even phone calls are not cheap. *sigh*
Thirdly, if your relationship is more physical than emotional, spiritual etc…then long distance is not for you unless your private parts can time travel or expand like Mr Fantastic... I don’t think that needs further clarification.
Fourthly, if you do not see a future, don’t start a long distance relationship. They are certainly not the type of relationships you have “just for fun” unless your idea of fun is endless hours of holding a hot phone to your ear or sitting prone in front of your laptop camera. No? I did not think so.
Next, communicate. If something makes you unhappy, SAY it. It is bad enough that men cannot read our thoughts when we are in front of them, how much less when you are across the computer screen on skype?
Number six. Ensure the other person is trying as much as you are or at least to the best of their ability. It won't always be balanced, you might call more often but if he picks up every time you call, that's a good start.
Last but not least, get a support group. It gets challenging when your friend can wake up at 6am and stop by her boyfriend’s house before going to work as opposed to you who has to buy a ticket 2 weeks in advance, or book an appointment for a visa. Either way, envy creeps in sometimes, so surround yourself with like minded friends or at least, understanding ones. You will need them in the times of loneliness, believe that. That’s my two cents. Do with it as you will. Obviously, they are not perfect and there are many other opinions out there. Find what works for you, and if you really think your long-distance-other is worth it, then its worth a shot.
Disclaimer: The words are mine. The pictures, not so much. Thanks to the sources. :)
