The One who got away

Hello Blogworld,

This is a subject that has been the baseline of many conversations I have had with friends so I figured it deserved a blog post especially since I am sitting in a hotel room in Barbados chilling and listening to the sound of the waves crashing outside my window. Or is it the rain? Oh well. #kanyeshrug.

Back to business.

The one who got away refers to that guy or girl that you wish you could have had but were unable to have. That about sums it up. However, there is more flesh to that skeleton.

Is there such a thing as the one who got away? Yes, I believe there is. There was a guy I met and liked while I had an idiotic boyfriend. In retrospect, I should have dumped the boyfriend and run into the arms of said guy but I was trying to be loyal. Then when I became single, he was trying to be loyal to somebody else. How do you handle such a situation? You don't. If he is somebody else's, let him be with the somebody else. This is not the time to try to steal him away. Instead, admire his loyalty and keep it moving. If he is so willing to dump the new person to be with you, that's flattering but again, it means he might just as easily dump you for his other one who got away. Get the idea? Leave him alone. Unless he gets single all by himself, in which case... pounce on that piece of meat and taste till you are satisfied...or feed forever. As you see fit. :)

I've mentioned somewhere in this blog before that one of my fears is marrying someone who is settling for me. It comes back to this one who got away topic. Imagine a guy realizes he is unable to get the girl he always wanted or loved and then, he decides to marry his number two woman and make a life with her. It would suck to be the number two woman unless he is able to concentrate on the new direction his life has taken and forget all about the woulda been women. In addition to the secretaries in short skirts, ushers at church and strangers on the street, no woman wants to imagine that there is also an old "friend" that her husband would likely leave her for if need be. A guy once told me I was the only one he would cheat on his wife with. In his own twisted way, that was supposed to be a compliment. I did not feel like it was. Then again, I wasn't sure how to feel. Maybe his wife to be should feel lucky if there is only one woman that can supposedly make her husband cheat on her? I don't know.

A few weeks ago, I was at a place where I felt like I genuinely did not have any unturned stones around me so to speak. I had effectively dated all my crushes or killed the crushes I had on people I did not date. In some case, it was easy - maybe he got fat, dropped out of school, got married, told me to eff off... either way, all my woulda beens were erased. That is how I want to feel when I do get married, like there is no one else in the world that would make me or him doubt our vows. Wishful thinking I know, but I am allowed to be optimistic.  

One thing I do know is that the grass always does appear greener on the other side depending on the angle from which you choose to look at it. This does not imply that the grass is never actually greener. Sometimes, it really is. However, the grass on your side would never be green enough if you spend the time focusing on the grass you do not have. In plain english, don't dwell on the ones you wanted but didn't get to have. There are further regrets waiting down the line for you. There are more people you will meet and wish you had met earlier. However, unless you want to bounce from person to person like a yo-yo, then you'd best stick with the one you're attached to and stay there. If it isn't broken, don't go looking for a different model. You might end up with Nokla instead of Nokia. (Inside Joke). :)

Good night from Barbados (in case you missed it when I mentioned it the first time),
Leeza.