Love

Love has many definitions, people sometimes go to the bible, love is kind, others use romantic insinuations love is blind. Somehow I am crippled by the definition of marriage that doesn't make couples give, that doesn't let a mother give up on her child, that makes us stay friends when you find out the evil monsters in me.

Last episode of Grey's anatomy was emotional for me because Christina wanted an abortion that would alienate her husband and Meredith refused to see the big picture and ruined her working relationship with her husband by ruining their study.

Immediately, I am in support of the women, how could Hunt not have seen that Christina would never want a child and how could Derek not know that Mer would do anything in her power to help people especially if it was the chiefs' wife.

now the show is not over and i dont know the outcome on those decisions on their two relationships but the immediate effect was separation and distance.

My great fear now is, would he my significant other love me past all my mistakes and decisions or love me past my condition if I cannot have children, or if I am papralyzed, would I be able to do the same too.... just thinking love is very complex and sometimes we dont know how deep/great love is till there are challenges that are crossed.....

Attention

You ask me if I'm ok

I want to say no

I look in your eyes

They quickly beg me

Not to give a speech

You have a place to be

So yes I'm ok

Or so my answer goes

But my eyes tell you

                                                      No i'm really not

Leeza.

The Doorbell vs The Doormat

After yet another heartbreak, I decided I needed to find out what I was doing wrong. Hence, I decided to investigate some flaws in my character so I called up a few exes. The best way to find out about yourself is to ask someone else why they didn't keep you. Granted, you as a girl might have done the breaking up but he wasn't exactly fighting to keep you around either. In most cases, the guy wants to break up, he just doesn't want to be bothered making the break up speech.

So back to the point at hand. I asked my ex what he thought about me and my persona. After several "you are an awesome and beautiful person" comments, the truth finally came out. Apparently, I am not bitchy or dramatic enough. I mean, he did not use those words but it sounded pretty darn close to me. He went further to explain what he meant. For example, if a guy forgets your birthday, what do you do? You buy him a present on his own birthday in order to show him that you don't hold grudges and you care enough to remember his? *Buzzer sound* WRONG! If a guy forgets your birthday, you frown and bone around him for the next few days. It might even be necessary not to speak to him. If possible, you complain loudly to any friend who would listen while he is within earshot and maybe you might want to consider withholding sex or food or whatever. You do not have to be drastic and do all these things but the point is, you make him understand that it is not ok unless you want him to forget your birthdays the rest of your lives together. Then I asked, what if he apologizes? The ex told me "I am sorry" is not enough because a guy would never run out of "I am sorry"s. They have an infinite supply of them. These days, don't you notice how married men say you apologize to your wife when you have a fight regardless of who is wrong? If you want him to listen and pay attention, "I am sorry" will not do it.

Another example. I was left waiting at the airport for over an hour while my ex watched a basketball game final. Mind you, we hadn't seen each other in months so the trip was necessary. I couldn't just turn around and go back. When he finally showed up, he apologized and I figured oh well, we miss each other, we can fight about the wait later. *Buzzer sound again*. If there is an issue, you make it known as soon as it happens that it cannot happen again. I tried to defend myself saying the trip was going to be short, I didn't want to spoil it and all that and the advice giving ex replied, yes that is true but the minute he decided the basketball game was more important than me, he had spoiled the trip.

I was also told I was boring. Most girls want to go out and spend money. I am usually content with dinner and a movie indoors. This is because I'm being considerate of a guy who tells me he's broke. This is not the way it's done apparently. Men like the exciting party girl. So I was told by my advice giver. "Don't buy a bus ticket, make him pay for a flight". That's a direct quote.

There is also the scenario of dating. I meet someone, we start dating. He also meets another woman and starts dating her. Mind you, people are allowed to date who they want until they decide to be in a committed relationship with one of these people. Dating is not a problem for me, its the relationship part that doesn't seem to happen. He told me why. According to him, I was the perfect woman to date in the sense that I did not get annoyed and if I did, I did not stay mad for long. This is all well and good if you are the only woman in the world. However, there are other women in the world and if you are the quiet mouse who doesn't get offended at things, another woman will bully him into choosing between you and her. Given that he knows if he chooses you, she will chew him out, but if he chooses her, you will be quiet, what do you think he is going to do? Mind you, the other woman is also a great person except that she doesn't lie down quietly when she is wronged. Men don't like drama. They will perform the action that will result in less drama in their lives.

I am not the kind of person to go around nagging when I don't get my way but if I want to be happy in a relationship, I apparently have to start. I had always thought that I was dating men, not boys so I shouldn't need to teach the person what to do. I mean, is it not common sense not to forget my birthday? Or leave me at a bus stop? Or not try to sleep with my sister? Maybe I happen to meet assholes for the most part but there is some truth to what the ex said. Just because you love a guy doesn't mean you should let him treat you like a doormat. Yes, there are more women than men but regardless, he should be the one fighting to keep you not you tolerating his shit because you want to keep him. For those girls who already have shaniqua-like tendencies aka loud and dramatic, this advice is not for you. For those girls like me who accept an "I am sorry" and expect a simple admonishment to fix the problem, we have to turn it up. A guy will not respect you if he faces no repercussions from disrespecting you. Apparently, men are like children. They test your boundaries to see what they can get away with and if you allow your boundaries to be stretched, it will keep getting stretched.

Of course nothing is black and white. Not all guys need a 2 hour lecture before they realize they have done something wrong. Some guys only need to see the smile leave your face before they realize they have made a mistake and will endeavor to earn your forgiveness. These guys are rare however. Know your man. Act accordingly. Remember, a man won't buy the cow if he can milk it for free. Good luck in this thing we call relationships.

xoxo
Leeza

Dominica

Before you even begin to criticize, we apologize for our silence. We've been busy.

On my way to splash bash!

This is Leeza here by the way. I do not feel like studying today so here I am updating our blog. A classmate put this status on facebook once "It's kinda hard to get out of bed when you know you are going to be studying 12 hours that day". I have made it out of bed fine but you can imagine how the blog got ignored. However, I apologize. On that note, how is Dominica? Here goes.

So, my partner in crime and I are here for medical school. It is Ross University. There is apparently some other school in this Country. *shocker*. Forgive me but my thoughts are going to flow rather randomly.

Some thai restaurant with a view of a creek/stream/river

First things first, there are less than 60,000 people in this country. I was listening to the radio and someone won an election by getting 6000 votes or thereabouts. I remember wondering how many votes the other person got or if there was another candidate at all. Oh, we see cows and there are chickens in our neighbor's backyard. There is also KFC and other expensive restaurants with delicious food.

So on to school sturvs...but even before that, let me gist you on the ordeal I went through before I left the US.

@nigerianchic

As most people know, I live in philadelphia. I wanted to save some money so I booked my flight out of new Jersey. The plan was to spend new year's in New York with Shola and both leave from New Jersey on Jan 2nd. On Dec 31st, I rented a car and drove from philadelphia to Maryland, Virginia and then New York. All in the name of saying hi to friends. Yall can't say I don't love my friends. Finally in New York, Shola and I went to an awesome New Year's Eve Party. The next day (new Years), I drove back to philadelphia to return my rental. Yes, I was too cheap to pay the extra $150 it would have cost me to return the car out of state! Anyways, I got on a bus and returned to New York. By the way, I got to meet @nigerianchic while I was in New York. She's smaller than I expected but still cute. Don't kill me Ada.

New year's eve.

On Jan 2nd, we (Shola and I) woke up bright and early and appeared at the Newark airport at 720am for a 905am flight. Granted, we might have been running a little late. We got in line and started waiting. Then Continental agents began calling flights. If your flight was at 8am, you got to skip the line and go straight to the front. When he called the 9am flight, it was about 8am. We tried to skip the line and the agent said "Your flight is at 905, I didn't call you yet". He was rather rude about it too but we went back to the line quietly. 820am, he finally calls the 905 am flight. We skipped the line and went to the agent at the counter. Unfortunately for us, she did not know what she was doing. She spent 15 minutes trying to get the attention of her supervisor to help her but by the time he showed up, the flight was closed. She then had liver to tell us we were late. I mean, we were late but that wasn't the reason we missed the flight. We were put on the next flight leaving on the 3rd. By the way, we were due in school on the 3rd. Missing our flight meant emailing landlords and school welcoming committee. However, we were together so I wasn't too sad. We went to a Hotel in Newark and spent the night. The next morning, airport runs again.

This time, we got to the airport before 630am. The flight was supposed to be 905am again. We got checked in and everything this time. However, only Shola got to leave because she had the last seat. I was on standby with 6 other folks. Before the flight left, we were asked to prove why we had to travel that day. Some couple going on their honeymoon got the last 2 seats. The rest of us were deemed fit to wait for the next flight. I had to go to the hotel. Alone. I hate aloneness. :( I even shed a few tears. But I packed my load and went back to the hotel. I later found out that the flight that we had missed the day before was not even full when it left.

Shola in our apartment.

The next day, Jan 4th, I was at the airport by 6am. I had checked in the day before so I went straight to the gate to inform the agent of my arrival. If there was going to be any standby leaving, it was going to be me. Luckily, I got to leave this time and it was welcome to Dominica!

Shola and I were reunited. I met the landlady. I saw school at night. Etc.. It was NOT COLD. Awesome. For $440/month each, we each have our room and bathroom, constant electricity, internet and maid service 2ce a week. Pretty good deal though I am sure it is expensive by Dominican standards.

The next morning, I went for orientation. Let us just say, I cannot remember how many lines I had to queue up in to get IDs, pictures, pay for stuff, get refunds, get insurance cards.. etc. All in all, it was a TIRING process but it got done.

Whale watching!

The next thing we did was sign up for a whale watching tour. This was fun. It was just fun to be on the boat.

Anyways, new place, new people, new friends. There are Nigerians everywhere. For the most part, we seem to be able to identify each other just by looking at each other. I even managed to get myself on the Organization of African Students executive board somehow. *shrugs*. I am cool like that. :) Oh and there is an RCCG here too.

Interesting tidbits about Dominica:
Dominicans LOVE Nigerian movies and music by the way. They are so proud of themselves when they recognize my accent as the one they heard in the movie they watched last night.
It is a village with internet, water, electricity, beaches and some paved roads.

A view from our balcony

Dominicans don't seem to get married very often - I heard of a woman with 8 children for a guy who had 2 other kids while he was with her and is now married to yet another woman. I also met another woman who had 3 kids for a guy and said she was not ready to marry. My hairdresser and I judged her. God forgive us.
Dominican men are like black men everywhere I go. They catcall, slow down to whistle at you, call you all kinds of variations of "african queen/beauty" et al.
Weed is cannabis.
Favorite beer is kubuli.
Plan B is called "Mis-take" pill.
Condom tag line: Ribbed for the wickedest ride.

Back to my random thoughts, sitting still, studying and eating added 10lbs to my weight. *hides face*. I've become more dedicated to the gym so some of that weight is gone. I am managing to find a balance with stuff. I also want more non Nigerian friends so I am joining more organizations next semester. I love my people, don't get me wrong. However, at this point, I might know them all so it is time to diversify. :)

Pretty Shola on our way to splash bash!

Oh, studies are good. Shola and I are doing fine now that we have bought gas after a 2 week period of cooking everything with the rice cooker.
 For the friends who feel like I am so far away, internet dey here o! I still use facebook mobile, I tweet, I have bbm, I have a magic jack line which americans can call free, I even have an email address and skype account. Don't use the excuse of me being out of the country as a reason to forget me. If I get back for holiday and someone dares to tell me, I couldn't reach you.... I will classify you as a "foolish" friend. That said, kisses and hugs from the tropics. Now let me go chew some sugar cane and read lipoproteins.

xoxo Leeza.

Random musings of johnny just come again

NYSC is over and life goes on. As if the first round of coming to America was not enough for me, I had to do it again. Oh boy! Naija was fun and crazy at the same time but I was so tired of it that I ran the minute I had the opportunity. There are so many factors to why I ran away. For example, I was living with my dear mother who loves me very very very much (ad infinitum) that I decided I would rather be loved via Skype, she doesn't know how to  use it so it works out very well for the both of us *wink*

So yea, I'm back, sort off; I'm spending six weeks in the states before jetting off to Dominica for medical school with my co-blogger (can't wait). Dominica will be my home for the next one-two years. I am so excited because for the last couple of weeks here I have put my self under house arrest, it is SOFA KING cold. i though i missed the cold because Naija was very hot. I don't come out of the house on my own volition, It takes a whole day of sitting indoors to psych myself to go out. I think I have also gained all the weight I lost in Naija: approx. 10lb. AMERICA

NY chilling

Candid shot, skills :) 

It has been fun here so far, I have no curfews and since I am in transition (aka jobless) I picked up a new hobby, I am now one of the dime a dozen Nigerians into photography, I got a DSLR. Ha! I just thought it would be cool to journal my new life with a better camera. this is my third hobby after dumping my guitar, it's not SO mobile *shrug* after all.

...Shola

To all the amebors and aprokos on twitter...

One of my followers suggested I write a gidiguy.com post about amebors and aprokos on twitter. I thought I would do more justice with that topic as a blog post instead. I don't want to have to be formal with it and all that. Besides, I don't have that much to say on the topic.

Disclaimer: If you don't use twitter, you will be lost. Read if you will regardless.

Ok, aprokos on twitter..... I am one of them. So are you - if you have a twitter account. When I joined twitter, there was a sole definition of the website's motive. It read: Twitter - join the conversation.  Thus, the website was invented for ameborism. See photo above.

If you have a twitter account and you don't want your life studied by amebors, then watch what you say and use DMs only. Anything you tweet out there that can be retweeted is fair game to the entire internet universe. Hence, the feigned annoyance at "people who won't mind their business" on twitter should remain feigned.

Just like facebook, twitter is here to give stalkers a chance to get to know you or your internet alter ego better. If you don't want to be known, its best to start creating an internet personality NOW.

I'm tired of being called out on not minding my business. It popped up on my timeline. Make it go away or I am within my twitter rights to do with the information as I please. That includes retweeting it to people who don't follow you.

As for me, make una stalk away. You can google me..In short, i'll help you. here's facebook and here's twitter. Here's my other personal website. Don't click the words "personal website". Let's see how many actually listen. I digress. You're allowed to know what I'm doing or what state I'm in but never, never will you be able to google my phone number and address.

Oh wait, there's the yellow pages thingy. Crap. Oh well, its 2010. People will find you if they really want to. If you want to keep your privacy, hibernate or relocate to a remote village. But as long as you are active online somewhere, *in resonating voice* YOU WILL BE FOUND and consequently stalked.

On a side note, those who say twitter is full of people saying nonsense, why are you there? It is a "social" site with freedom to type how your pee was yellow last night. If you don't like it, deactivate your account.

PS: I use "Aprokos" and "Amebors" interchangeably.

My very happy face when I am stalking stalkable people online. I said it.

Thus, to all the amebors/aprokos on twitter, Good job. It is because of you that twitter remains in business. :) 

Stay warm in east coast yankee, stay cool in naija.

Leeza.

Honestly...

Its not that I want to be toasted, being toasted by the wrong person is mildly irritating. Still, there are people I talk to just because I like the way they make me feel - flattery and such. Mind you, I don't necessarily like the person. However if I stop talking to the person, I know they'd forget me. Hence, occasional reminders are necessary. I know its selfish but I am not necessarily evil. I do listen when said person has something to talk about. Or I at least pretend to. That's really all people need some times - someone to "hear" what they have to say. As for me, I will keep the feel good people around for as long as they let me or till I meet someone whose feel good ability is the only one I want. Hopefully, that's even possible.


People supposedly wax deep when they don't sleep at night. This, unfortunately, is the best yours truly could do.
*sigh*

Leeza.

Eleyi is no longer funny - This extended holiday needs to end.

I am going to start by professing my love for MY hp laptop. I missed this baby. I went on a tri state 1 week trip without it and I was exposed to more expensive macbooks et al. I do love the mac more than the PC (yes I am on that bandwagon) but there is nothing like having your own laptop that logs you on to skype and twitter automatically. When I used others' laptops, I had to consciously click "not now" when I was asked whether or not I wanted my password saved. Abeg, who has time for all that?

When I was in school, I wanted so desperately to be home. Now that I am home, all I have done is put on the weight I lost while I was in school. Not even in a good way. People need to stop keeping candy in their houses when I sleep over ja re. I am also sure I have slept an average of 10 hours a day or more in the past few weeks. I need this holiday to be over.

Blackberry empathy? Can I preorder? 'Nuff said. 

Back to my trip: it started on Saturday morning and ended the following Saturday night/Sunday morning. Megabus from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh for Redeemed church's 7th anniversary celebration. Speaking of which, that picture they took of me is a bad one o_o. Anyways, that trip involved Saturday and Sunday services and chilling with the girls as well as binging on jollof rice. 

Korede is getting married. She got me caught up in wedding fever. From cut of diamonds to destination weddings and wedding dress designers, photographers.... That will fill a manuscript so I am not going there. Any further. 

So I left Pittsburgh for Boston with my friend, future roomie, coblogger... all the same person. We - Shola, Mercy and I - went to the liberty hotel in Boston and had fun paying unnecessary money for Voss water. When they said bottled water, we thought they meant aquafina. Babes were not smiling when the bill came. Needless to say, I kept my voss bottle. Don't judge me. I recycle.

Boston gave way to New York. On the way to New York, I saw the 4 storey tall poster saying the Beatles are now on iTunes. There, I have advertised. Where are my Google Adsense cents? Say that fast 3 times. 

I love my New York peeps but WHY, oh WHY do you guys live in New York? This is the one town where people that I would visit more (if I could stand it) reside. I don't even want to think of how long we spent in traffic during OFF PEAK hours. I wanted to see a friend in Long Island but I was told quite frankly that I wasn't loved enough to be driven from Bronx to Long Island. The subway wasn't looking too friendly either. Why do more people keep packing themselves in/to NY? It is full. Please, move to New Jersey. Or Alaska. As a matter of fact, the lady on millionaire matchmaker says everyone should have certain unchangeable criteria in a spouse. One of mine is "willingness to accept that I will NEVER move to New York or anywhere like it". If he dreams of weekends spent hovering around Times Square, then we are definitely not a match made in heaven.

So, besides the grid lock traffic and the fact that I spent more time en route than at the destination, it was fun seeing peeps. We visited a bazaar and bought tees. We also got to try a Nigerian restaurant called "Buka" in brooklyn. I absolutely loved my goat meat pepper soup and I daresay I missed palmwine. We also met some funny characters there. Inspector gadget, Mr bright colors... a few other Nigerian Yale boys... and one or two fresh-off-the-boat peeps who had already learned how to funkify the pronunciation of their names. Further details and I might as well just put a link to the guy's facebook page. He he he.

New York led to Yonkers to hang out with the nicest couple I've met in a while. I liked them so much that I am attending their New Year's party on the 31st. Oh they also have an adorable baby... Oh! I meant to take a picture of him with my phone. (Shola bring your laptop back o, I want the webcam photos). 

Back to Philadelphia. We attended Jerry's birthday shindig. Once more, philadelphia MEN need to step it up. I am slightly racist so I will say/type this: L***rians, please tone it down. Aint nobody kurr that yo' 28 yr old sister went off with a strange man. It is no reason to yell at the DJ to stop the music. Also, picking up hair extensions from the floor and yelling "who weave is that?" isn't funny. Furthermore, when you want to say the police are around, "The cops saside" does convey the message. In a ghetto way.

*gets off green and white painted high horse and adjusts snub-glasses*

Here's another conversation I overheard:
Boy: Why can't you dance with me? I see your boyfriend Frederick is here.
Girl: (takes off shoes, sets them down, sets purse down on friend's thighs, flicks back hair, wags finger in boy's face, puts hand on hip, frowns)* Yo listen. I'm cool with Frederick like I'm cool wichu. If I was fucking Frederick, I aint gotta hide that shit. I'd tweet it, facebook it, it would be errwhere. So don't ever say I be fucking him. Cos I been heard that shit everywhere and it aint funny. Ai?
Boy: (laughs the blissful laugh of the drunk) It's not even that serious.

*All this happened in 5 seconds or less.

I almost thought the girl was gonna stab him. So I might have exaggerated a bit, but you get the idea.

In unrelated news:

- I feel bad for Obama. I don't even follow politics.

- I am going to attempt to start and finish a novel. I have several unfinished ones. 

- I am starting my 2011 resolutions. Now.

- Any time I turn on the tv, there is a commercial for skechers or reebok butt toners. Na Wa o.

I also came to the realization that in addition to my fear of darkness, and disappointing my parents et. al, I am also afraid of ending up with a man who settles for me because he couldn't have his Number One. (Oh I love that MI song ft Flavor - and I will fight this ADD. Later). Yeah, that will really suck. I will have him do a lie detector test and swear on everything he holds sacred before the "I Do"s. #serioustalk.

Ada, hmmm, me and you will wear the same trouser if I don't see you when I come back. 

That concludes my early december musings. Now back to Indiana Jones... Or an article for GidiGuy maybe...

Leeza.

Since I turned 25...

Me at 25 yrs and 1day.
I didn't go anywhere.
Long story.

Its past 10pm. I was trying to study elongation factors in RNA translation. Then I found myself opening a microsoft word document blank page. Yes, I do know the saying. Don't write because you want to say something but because you have something to say. However, dear people, its called a blog.  Eminem sings: I don't know what to sing, but imma f**king sing. Same goes for me. I don't know what to write but I want to write so here I am, writing.


It is my roommate's birthday today. He turned 24. He just left to go pick up his girlfriend from the airport. Young lovers, how quaint. My birthday was a few days ago, I indulged myself with a Q-Doba burrito, went to the gym to work it off, watched Supernatural on tv and my laptop simultaneously and chatted with anybody who made the mistake of signing on to skype, yahoo, or gmail as visible. In the following week, nothing spectacular happened in my life.

Wait, I lied. I did do something spectacular. I gave my password to a "stranger". That was not even the strangest part..... Let's rewind.

It started with my upbringing. I was infused with the amebor gene. Fastforward 25 years. I was lying in bed, much like I am now and I decided to go through friends' recent updates. A status message leads to the longest ice breaking session I've ever had with anyone. Honestly, I'd say I feel I know them better than some friends I've had for years. Given that I'm no poet, a few moment-almost appropriate songs come to mind but I'd have to chop them into bits and pieces as well as mix and match in order to get the perfect song. Last I checked, I'm no DJ...


Now for my random ramblings.
I've learned a few things this past week. I am absolutely incapable of studying for a whole week straight. The gym is beginning to not look like an evil place designed to make people feel ugly. I have one more reason to love my blackberry. I also now know how to caption photographs on blogspot. I wish I knew how to add a "banner"(Is that what it's called?). A lot of people thought I was younger than 25 by appearance but older by actions. I am not going to delve into that further. I learned the difference between a "satire" and a "dirge". I have an amazing long term memory. One of these days, I will remember the meaning of "utopia". Let me look it up again. For a certain "twitoaster", @jfancie and @ladyeiu are sisters. 

I'm only writing all this because I wanted to write:


I might have met one of the most amazing people ever and I haven't even met them yet.


Yeah, its Leeza...
...Missing Shawlar. 3 days...

Love is a bleeping drug

A poem I wrote, felt good to write it, since I thought I lost my inner poet. Enjoy

Love is a bleeping drug

Never knew how addictive she was 'til I tasted her

They warned me about her

But I sure had to try her for myself

Just like coke

She was good in the morning

before I lost all I had to her

And then cried myself to sleep at night

Love is a bleeping drug

She restored to health the pain in my lonely heart

But had side effects

“Did you read the fine print?” She said

Never want to get off her high

For all that I enrolled in Lovers Anonymous

Now I have to say the serenity prayer

Because I know she is a feeling I don't want to change