Rebranding Nigeria: In response to District 9

This blog just went political, and I am swinging left wing with this one. Some years ago Nike rebranded their image because of the accusations of its’ lack of social responsibility when it comes to sweatshops, what does Nike produce shoes that sell for $100 making their profit margin over God knows what 200% (vague estimate)

When it comes to a nation or country what do we have to offer? What is our brand? Collectively in Nigeria and to the world it SEEMS it is the “419” scam, corruption and more. It was recently announced by the president of Nigeria to have a re-branding ministry headed by the former food and drug administration chair a professor in pharmacy.

Am I the only one that sees flaws in such a ministry and who it is headed by? Is she trying to rebrand Panadol so it is shiny and expensive, even if Panadol is just for headache? Did Panadol all of a sudden cure arthritis? If I wanted Panadol to cure Arthritis, I would change the formula, probably change the name and to rebrand Nigeria maybe that’s what we need to do.

Nigeria is Nigeria, with lots of development issues to over come, currently ASUU (university union of professors) is on strike, they are offering amnesty to Niger-Delta terrorists yes the country is relatively safe but I still fear for my life every evening after 7pm.

I can’t cash a check with my newly acquired license, I can’t watch District 9 at the movie theatre because it is banned for slander of a nation (which by the way is extremely fictional), I cannot listen to “Kerewa” on the radio because it is about a mother committing adultery, every time I pass a police checkpoint I have to convince the officer to let me go because I don’t want to add to his official monthly earnings.

It is almost impossible for a moral conscience to exist in the presence of extreme poverty. Ask nations at war, they turn to cannibalism when hunger strikes, take a look at Katrina wouldn’t you have broken into the store. In the US, of course there are corrupt people we can even argue that everyone is corrupt but once caught they should face extreme consequences of shame and punishment because their consciences have failed them.

So fellow Nigerians (Abacha accent), let us awaken our spirits, elevate our consciousness and let us be mindful of our consciences. Let us be open to criticism, shun hypocrisy because adultery is an age-old sin and so is GREED. Let us be aware of how our actions affect others but still, never be scared to be yourself. Let our creativity be original and transformative and finally let our work speak for itself.

I AM NIGERIA. BIMPE IS NIGERIA. EMEKA IS NIGERIA. UDUAK IS NIGERIA. KEVIN IS NIGERIA. MOHAMMED IS NIGERIA


....Sholla

Soliloquy - but you can listen in!

If your parents didn't take interest in your life as a child, be glad you were able to raise yourself. They might have done a crappy job. Shooting your neighbors from a vantage point is not the solution..... it only means you did a crappy job of raising yourself....Yeah I know I should be over that by now.

Oh, pick up line failure: What if I told you that I was from the future and I ran back to tell you that in 100 years from now, I would still be in love with you? -----Umm, feel free to love me after I am dead which I hope I would be in 100 years. No further comment.

So I tried something new, I got my hair cornrowed.... but I cheated - there are single braids in the back. Take a look. Along the line of new things, my dad went to Israel and made a video of the Garden of Gethsemane. Watch below.


He also made me a new friend and sent me an email with her phone number and her name. Even my dad knows I need a social life. And for the record, there are still men out there who know the way it should be done. I was actually asked on an official date. Not a let's meet here and do this date, but an actual, I-will-pick-you-up-at-so-and-so-time type date. Can't remember when last that happened. Apparently the blackberry tour is out... I didn't know that. And Whitney has a new album. Oh and I downloaded tweetdeck.... That's the end of new things. On to other things...



Its 12:50am on Sunday morning and once again, I haven't slept. If I don't wake up in the morning tired, then something doesn't feel right the entire day. These stupid oyibo kids outside my window making noise.... if I could afford air conditioning, I would close my window and block them out... but as it is, ear plugs is the way to go.

Ah the G20 is over. The roads are back to being open. In my opinion, they should have had the meeting in a quiet out of the way place like the middle of some unknown place in say - Montana. The presidents could have all flown in on private jets.. nobody else's life would have been interrupted and protesters wouldn't have gone through the trouble of transporting themselves all the way to BehindGod'sback, Montana. They could have erected some bulletproof type caging to protect the presidents during their 48 hour stay in this unsafe place. But its over, thank goodness.

I am hungry. I got free food today from a friend's birthday dinner. Almost thought I would have to pay but thankfully it was at her house, not a restaurant. I never did understand why people invite people to dinners and expect them to pay for themselves. I mean, I would rather stay in my house and eat thankyouverymuch. Anyway, tomorrow, I have free food under the guise of hanging out at someone else's house. May God enrich their pockets after they have fed me.

On that note, I need to get back to my novels. I have about 11 to read in the next maybe 2 weeks. Serves me right for checking them all out at once. They are new books so they cannot be renewed because they all have waiting lists. Hiss..... I wonder whether the late fee is worth paying? Anyhow sha.... good night from Pittsburgh!

Leeza.

You Know You Are In For A Bad Day When....

You wake up to an email where someone who you are not dating is dumping you.


You brush your hair and your brush breaks into your hair such that you have to dig it out.


You realize you left your umbrella at work yesterday so you have to brace the rain to work today.


You stand at the red light willing it to change as you watch two of your buses go past you.


You finally get on the bus and the only seat available is beside a fat lady or a stinking person.


While you're trying to enjoy the ride, two men get on the bus and stand beside you such that one person's crotch is next to you and the other's ass is in your face.


You look up to at least see their faces and instead, you are blessed with a view of nose hair.


You try to recover from the trauma only for butt-in-your-face guy to drop his keys and have to pick them up.


You cringe with disgust and the fat lady beside you laughs at your discomfort.


You will yourself to faint but bile rises in your throat instead.


You decide to walk the rest of the way - voila, bad idea. Rain and hair don't mix.


You get to the office, the emergency line is ringing and you rush to pick up only for the caller to be looking for "Samuel Adams". Isn't that a beer? And we are an all female staff.


You call tmobile customer service to pay your past due amount but the machine keeps chanting "I'm sorry, I didn't get that. I'd like to help you with a payment."


You bring out your phone to tweet or facebook yourself into comfort and your boss walks in and gives you the "you are on your phone again" look.


You get on the computer to blog your frustrations and you look at the time, its only 8:15am so it could get a whole lot worse.....

The only comfort in the day so far is when you look at the picture (above) and think "Thank God, I'm not him"

Leeza :(

How to nab a Rapper. from the friend of the girlfriend's perspective

So I met this rapper X, last year I think and I mean met not saw, we said hi, hung out popped bottles true talk. You probably think I am just a fan, I was not anymore. It's personal now and I am even critical but thanks to my LOVELY BEAUTIFUL friend I met X. Whenever I tell people this story they ask me why don't I get myself hooked up. UH, I don't have it like that but I'm sure you do. and I am here to tell you how to have it like that

1. wear minimum of 4" heels everyday to the mall, walking down the street.

2. if you do not have a butt Uh, U don't have it...so work on that eat rice, go to the gym your butt will come out nice

3. You have to be nice and classy but still a ** (we want a lady in the streets but a.....) don't be a meanie like me have a sweet voice over the phone so that even if u don't look right he might think

4.lastly move to a city where football players(any city), rappers(atl, nyc), actors (la, atl) live go to the club whenever they are there try to get invited to vip and of course u have to be wearing that dress that shows your naked outline without really being naked

that's the key people

SEE YA, CASH YA, LATER(yoruba american accent)

Sholla!!!

Seattle, Houston and the old Igbo guy

disclaimer:
let me first say that Ese has the gift of gab but I have more experience: don't shoot me. FACT.
read each part separately and as a whole.

Traveling

PART I
My travels over the past month have led me to several places in the country from Seattle, Los Angeles to Houston and Baltimore and the process has culminated in Lagos, Nigeria. Do I like to travel? who doesn't, but that was an extravagant gift to myself. Why? Why not. I just finished grad school and I am going to rot (i mean enjoy myself) in Naija for the next 4-5months so... Seattle to Houston was a ten day trip (too short) but needless to say I enjoyed myself which included going to a party of someone I knew from secondary school that I never talked to, well I talked to him that day.


PART II
my trip to Lagos. People usually buy international travel tickets months and weeks in advance, oh no not I. up unto the week i travelled i did not know what date i was leaving and that was because I could not plan far ahead as to my return to the united states. I ended up buying a one-way ticket from http://onetravel.com/ for $700 and that was a good price I must say. besides shopping for the best prices I also had to look at best itineraries and when I found two possibly best days (Thursday vs Tuesday) it was hard to click buy. I literally had my hand on the mouse pad for minutes, and guess what I picked the wrong date.

wrong date, well sorta kinda, I feel God had other plans but oh well I went to the airport on the supposedly right date a Thursday and could not find my travel records only to look at my itinerary closer to see I was leaving on Tuesday. so I added a Baltimore trip over the weekend *smiley face* finally got to travel on Tuesday flight from Pitt to DC, was delayed would not have made connecting flight from dc to Frankfurt they tried to put me through Doha (where? in Qatar) but as a green-passport holder I had to protest so they put me on delta direct to Lagos (they can do that) yes and they did. *smiley face*

PART III

On my 11 hour flight from atl to los, I had an interesting/likable seatmate (a girl, don't think too far) and one not soo interesting (a guy, older, igbo, think far). Not soo interesting, was not my initial seatmate he took the aisle that I was banking on he was fast yes he was, he would have been the perfect seatmate for the 10 hrs and 30 mins of the flight until he opened his mouth and asked me for my number (I SAID THINK FAR). I mean who does that first of all Mister, you had 11 hours to talk to me that is the equivalence of three dates we could have even declared a relationship by the end of the flight but you had to wait for the last 30mins....But me I am nice and I was gracious I took his number *extreme smiley face*



PART IV

coming soon like a naija movie...it runs in the bloood

Sholla!!!

If my grandparents didn't keep "if/when I was young"ing, I wouldn't be so scared of getting old!

Yes, I blame the older generation for my troubles. America has taught me well.

The funniest thing I read/heard all week:

Title: Longlasting smile as the sun

Message: Hey sexy mama,I really love ur smile,u have that soft tender smile,that can light the smallest world like my, hey just wan to be a close friend,close enoff to know when ur heart kock against ur ribs when I look into ur eyes,and send u flower before u go to sleep,hail back,ok

Yeah, I was flattered. Almost sounded poetic - hiss.

So, per a friend's advice, I am going to endeavor to collect my thoughts before I type.

On second thoughts, how boring would that be? Its just a blog, not a graded essay. On that note, B F T, you can shove it.... You know I love you dear.

So, back to being myself, I read a quote on twitter that said be yourself because all others are taken. As far as my life goes, I went to New York last weekend. Let me restate that I despise New York and I could never live there. On that note, I love NY, wait let me go put on my souvenir t shirt. So back to my trip, it was busy busy busy from landing to take off. I'd go into details of what I did but I'm beginning to bore myself. However, http://www.allenandfifth.com, http://www.ekisfamous.com, http://www.blueprintbyronke.com should tell anyone what they are interested in knowing.

On that note, I will be going now. I am too tired to be creative or funny but I had to share my friends' websites. :) Thanks for reading thus far - see, I can be nice and appreciative too.


By Leeza

I'm like the little chicken following the big chicken - True Story

So, as a child, I was supposed to play the role of flower girl at a family friend's wedding. I remember I was woken up very early in the morning against my will. Anyway, I sat with the groom outside his house and he was talking to me about God knows what cos I am sure I didn't look interested. Maybe he was nervous now that I think about it. Anyway, when he paused in his speech, I saw a mother hen and her little ones walking past so I felt obliged to say something. And I said, "Uncle you are just like the mother hen walking around clucking to protect her little ones". I do not know why I said that. That was not even a thought that coherently formed in my head. After I said that, he looked like he was about to slap me for insulting him so I said "And by the way, I am like the little chicken following you" and he relaxed. I remember he later told my grand father that I had a big mouth and I criticized a lot but I criticized myself too. If only he knew.

In the photo, one of my big little chickens to whom I make an excellent role model!

Anyway, here I am about 17 years later.. wow. At a point, I wasn't even 17 years old yet. I was chatting with a friend the other day and I saw myself make the usual excuse of "I am only human, not a saint". Ok, I had to self criticize there. A saint is only a canonized human. "Human" is included in the definition so we can all be saints if we chose to be. Other than that, I am perfect in other ways. :)

Someone, in his infinite wisdom, once said that not a thought forms in my head that doesn't come out as words. He went on to say it could be good because it meant I didn't keep grudges and let things fester. The latter part, I agree with but not all thoughts that form in my head come out as words. Maybe I just think more than most of you do. Bad enough I can't stop talking, according to you people, but if I said everything I thought, I'd be speaking several languages simultaneously and out of several outlets too. Don't think dirty, the end. PS: talking too much is an advantage sometimes. It has saved me from many an awkwardly silent moment. All those guys that want to ask girls out but have nothing to say, well, make sure she talks enough for both of you. Companionable silence doesn't occur on the first couple dates.

Meanwhile, thanks to those who do let me ramble. Thanks to those who actually listen. Thanks to those who put the phone on speaker and leave it on the table while muting me and playing music making sure to say "umm" and "aah" where necessary. As long as I have unlimited minutes, you, my darlings, will continue to hear from me.

Once upon a time, I loved Eminem. Right up till the point I left Uniben, I knew his whole album off by heart. Now, I was surprised to hear he had a new album.. from about 3 months ago. Talk about lacking MTV. Oh lest I forget, newest acquisition... Let's just say I could be one of the girls in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Oh well, later my darlings..CIAO. (In my head, I am Italian today).

Another from Leeza

Cos I'm Easy....... easy like Sunday Morning.

Of course, I stole the title from The Commodores, now let's move on. Today is sunday, the only thing I have effectively done is watch about 4 movies - Brideshead Revisited (boring), The Echelon Conspiracy (thumbs up), The Human Contract (saw under duress, fell asleep, woke up, fast forwarded ..you get the gist) and The Unborn (hmmm). That's my sunday so far. I did try to spice it up by taking a nap and going to the gym. The nap happened. The gym didn't.

Oh, newest addition to my life is MY BLACKBERRY 8900. I am in love, who needs people.. Ok, I do need people, but in the event that I cannot order people off a website and make them arrive in packaged boxes, I have to deal with my aloneness the way I know how. So, back to blackberry, paying for the data subscription plan is one more bill I didn't need to raise but all I had to do was give up lunches one day a week at work. I won't die right? And serves me right for not going to the gym.

By the way, we did let the blogging die. *sad face* There are just so many ways to blog it is impossible to keep up. I get to work, I log on to the work computer. While it boots up, I check facebook notifications real quick. I update facebook status. Then I log on to twitter, check my @'s, reply to whom I need to reply to. (No need to follow me on twitter, I have nothing to say). Then I check my email accounts. Thank God they all get directed to one major email account. Then, I check news postings or anything else I might be interested in. Then I reply my text messages.... update my calendar and my to do list.. check my amazon and ebay listings.. By the time I am done all that, my little blogspot slips under the radar, but not to worry blog spot, when I have nothing to say, I will be right back here.

In the mean time, I am about to watch a movie I kinda stole from netflix..... Slipstream - Preview looked good. The actual dvd was iffy but let's do this. Adieu aurevoir aufwiedersehen and any other languages.

XOXO Leeza

Wolverine is a Naija Movie

Beautiful day today, projects done, no finals, in between jobs so what do we do, watch Wolverine, X-men the origins. I am not the most comic book person but that was good, we went to Lagos well the movie went to Lagos, Nigeria. And as proper Naija peeps we had to express ourselves with hmms and aahs and they were speaking Igbo. The little white boy in front of me had the guts to tell us to shush........does he know who I am. I proceeded to talk ignoring his little white ass as if he and is little girlfriend can fight with this......hiss....nonsense!! I have to say it took me a while to realize that we were watching the origins, I was confused as to how his iron claws changed to bones but then again, I am not a comic book person, besides why did they have to go backward. OMG (lil white girl in me) so Hugh Jackman is the sexiest man alive .....no lie. I like how they paraded his naked body around. I was just seating there hoping he would jump and come and carry me.....hmmm, next life time when he is not married, not Australian and not famous!

By Sholla!

We can blog too....

.. and today , we are going to talk about blogging. I actually wonder who invented that word.. on that note, let's google it.

Nothing there.

Did you know, twitter is considered a "mini blog"? - Random.

Anyways, welcome to our "page"... stay tuned.